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Laughter is Worth the Extra Purgatory

October 10th, 2008 · 8 Comments · Questions

Dear Baby Jesus,

Aren’t you worried this may come off as sacrilegious?

-Righteous in Richmond

Well, Righteous. I suppose what some may call sacrilege, others call harmless fun. What some may call heresy, others call a sense of humor. What some call evil, others call Dick Cheney.

Look, I fully admit, were I not the Redeemer of Man and, you know, sort of immune to the whole damnation thing, I wouldn’t just have a first class bus ticket to hell, I’d be driving the bitch there. But as I Am Who Am, the Royal “To Be” Verb, I think I can take my chances on whether or not this is sacrilege and just focus on the important things, like football and whether or not those Jonas Brothers are lying to me about the whole abstinence thing.

But in case you were concerned for your own soul, and you haven’t really gotten the point that Dad doesn’t really damn sarcasm, here are a few warning signs that you may have actually died and are currently in hell.

  • All food tastes like stale Funyuns, all drink, Fresca.
  • Every time you turn on the radio Andy Gibb’s “Shadow Dancing” is playing.
  • You wake up late Sunday morning after a night of drinking and this man is there to greet you with breakfast in bed.
  • Backstage at the New Kids On The Block reunion show, you hear Karen Carpenter’s “Superstar” and, for the first time, you know exactly how she feels.
  • Upon taking your seat for a cross-Atlantic flight, you realize this man will be seated to your right for the duration of the 12-hour journey and this man to your left. (For the record, falafel is not on the approved topic of conversations list).
  • Rob Schneider. Rob Schneider. Rob Schneider.
  • President McCain.

Should you not notice any of the following signs, take comfort for you’ve probably only committed the venial sin of laughing at one of my jokes. You haven’t broken your friendship with the Big Man, you’ve only damaged it by supporting my comedy (I had dreams of a stand-up, but Pops had other plans for me… sigh, Jesus tears.) The Good News is that salvation is still possible through temporal punishment. You may wind up in purgatory for a few years, you may just pass go after a week or so and head straight on to Heaven. You may have to just do a few hours of community service or you may have to carry Clay Aiken’s child. Whatever happens, you’re probably payin’ the piper somehow, son.

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  • 7 Misae // Feb 20, 2015 at 9:32 am

    It was an awesome reeivw, wasn’t it? I really feel like what I was trying to communicate came across to her so I’m tickled. (Especially because the DD series either inspires love or loathing.)Part II is out at Amazon, Smashwords, BN, Diesel, Sony, and Apple. (I think it’s up by now on Apple not totally sure.) I’m running a 50% coupon at Smashwords that expires 4-14-11: JH23Z. I hope you get a chance to get if you haven’t already.I’m flexing my mind on getting ready to write Part III. The thing I love about this series is that it doesn’t take long to step into Julian and Lily’s mind. The thing I don’t love so much about the series is that it doesn’t allow me to focus on other work when I’m writing it.

  • 8 Muzi // Mar 23, 2015 at 2:32 pm

    Drewes Kooi zegt:Hallo Familie de Jong,Leuk zoveel mooie diengn van jullie te zien. Gisteren was ik bij jullie moeder/schoonmoeder/oma/vf2vf2 en kreeg een mooie boekenlegger mee.Zodoende werd ik opgewekt om even een berichtje op jullie blog te zetten.Aan al de foto’s met de blijde gezichten te zien gaat het jullie heel goed en zijn jullie gelukkig. Koester dat, want het is niet vanzelfsprekend. Dat is wat ik persoonlijk op een minder mooie manier heb ervaren. Hopelijk zal het altijd zo blijven bij jullie. Intussen gaat het leven door en daarmee de uitdaging erin.Hoe een enorme strijd het soms ook kan zijn, het leven is iets heel kostbaars. Zonder God zou alles er heel anders uit zien. Ik zie dat God met jullie is. Hoe gaat de opvang van de jongeren? Gelukkig heeft Jonathan ook wel eens (vaak) gelijk, Johanneke. Daar ben je vader en moeder voor om in allerlei diengn er samen uit te komen. Dat is het leuke aan een relatie. Ik word blij van de vrolijke foto’s. Wat een prachtig gezinnetje hebben jullie. Al die prachtige meiden. Hoe is het met het voetje van Elina, trekt het al wat bij? Ja, ik kan me je goed voorstellen Johanneke, dat je er een traantje bij liet. Zo ben ik ook altijd betrokken (en betrokken geweest) bij onze kinderen. Al het wel en wee neem je mee, ook al zijn ze zo groot dat ze zich wel redden. Hier gaat het half goed. Moet tijd hebben. Enfin, als je tijd hebt kunnen we wel eens skypen, mooet het nog wel downloaden. Deus lhes abene7oe e ate8 a vista. Abrae7o para todos voceas de Drewes Kooi

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